It is thirteen years since I founded Lifesong Kenya, an organization that provides a safe space for boys who are built differently. It is an incredible journey that begun with one moment that happened in 2005. Here’s the full story
“Lynn and I first met James and his wife while they were empowering a group of girls in 2014. Lifesong Kenya has a heart for young people in hopeless situations and need help to do more Lifesong Kenya is an organization that will transform the lives of many boys and young men. I encourage you to support Lifesong Kenya and the work that James does with boys and young men.”
— John Wollwerth, Wollwerth Imagery
A few days ago, I begun sharing how I founded Lifesong Kenya and started working with boys who are built differently. Read the post here. As we go along, you will learn what I mean when I refer to the boys I am meeting through my work as being built differently. It is a life purpose that was birthed by one moment that happened thirteen years ago. Thirteen years have flown by, like a flash, kind of like a quick snap of the fingers. But boy, hasn’t a lot happened in these thirteen years?
One Moment That Changed My Life Forever
Many people who know me know how passionate I am about working with boys and young men as a Co-Active Coach, Narrative Guide and Mentor. But, only a few know that this would have not been happening had I not gotten arrested in 2005 where one moment changed my life. I was staying with a friend of mine at that time while developing my skills as a creative writer and content creator. I would spend most of the day at Kumekucha Self-Help Group where I was working as a volunteer whose role was to help school children from the surrounding schools with finishing homework, reading and writing.
Just before my 29th birthday, a girl who I didn’t have the courage to accept I was in love with bought me a bar of chocolate as a gift. I kept the bar of chocolate and planned to feast on it at a later date. Little did I know this wasn’t going to happen as I had expected and antincipated. My friend and I often liked shopping in bulk, and since I wasn’t the one paying most of the bills, one of my role was to mop the house and go to Marikiti Market, also known as Wakulima Market, to buy fresh vegetables, onions, tomatoes and fruits.
One of the main reasons why I liked buying stuff at Marikiti Market was because Shiko’s mom, one of the traders there, used to give me huge discounts and free fruits. And when I needed a place to stay in 2006 Shiko’s mom took me in. Shiko was one of the firiends I met at Our Lady of Visitation Church, located along Jogoo Road. I was on my way from Marikiti Market when I met the girl I wasn’t bold enough to accept I was in love with. After she gave me the bar of chocolate, I set off to my friend’s house.
Having a Low-Self Esteem as Flat as an Envelope
Part of the reason why I wasn’t bold enough to accept I was in love was that I felt unworthy. It was a feeling I had carried from my childhood. After losing my dad when I was thirteen years old, I had a low self-esteem that felt as flat as an envelope. I had spent twenty-nine years mourning my dad’s death and looking for a man who could fill his shoes as a father-figure. It is something that deeply impacted me, my growth and development.
One moment, I had a man I looked up to and the next moment, he was gone. The only thing that showed he had ever existed was now a decaying cross and a heap of soil that indicated where he had been burried. Just before I finished high school, my mom introduced me to the late Albert Ochung, an introduction that changed my life. Albert taught me a lot, from ironing men’s clothes to speaking up and how to properly stir sugar in a tea cup. He also allowed me to use his Raja Bicycle and fill up the Daily Nation’s crossword puzzles and cutting pictures from the Saturday and Sunday edition of the newspaper.
The other thing that Albert did was inspire me to dream of one day becoming a writer. This happened by the way he asked questions about my dreams and aspirations. “You need someone to help push and propel your dream of becoming a journalist,” he said, one day while were having tea after weeding his coffee plants.
“Write a letter and address it to Proffessor Anyang’ Nyong’o who was one of my students at the university,” he continued, helping with the punctuation and composition of the letter.
After posting the letter at Akala Post Office, I waited patiently for Proffessor Anyang’ Nyong’o’s resply to my letter. Days turned into weeks and then months, but, I never received a reply from Anyang’ Nyong’o. Despite not receiving a reply, receiving help from Albert to contact Proffessor Anyang’ Nyong’o was one moment that changed the way I connect and engaged with young people, especially boys and young men. Much as I was grateful to have received help and support, that these days is referred to as mentorship, I still had a low self-esteem that got worse after I dropped out of college after two attempts.
Becoming a Guest of the Government
After dropping out of college and coming to Nairobi, I was staying with my friend while working on my skills as a writer and earning a stipend from helping school children with reading and wriing. When I came back home from Kumekucha Self-Help Group, I found the house had been turned upside down. The neighbour where my friend and I used to leave our house keys informed me that my friend had been arrested by police officers from Makongeni Police Station. Concerned about his welfare, I went to Makongeni Police Station to find out why he had been arrested, and that is how I also got arrested and became a guest of the government!
“Why am I getting arrested? I asked, my voice shaking from fear.
“We are arresting you so we can investigate and find out if you are involved in crime with your friend!” the police woman manning the OB (Occurence Book) Desk said. “That is why you are getting arrested.”
“Why?” I said, “my only crime is not having enough money to pay rent and live on my own!”
“Take off one of your shoes, belt and shoe laces and put them here,” the police woman barked, pointing at an open drawer, where there were other belts and shoe laces belonging to those inside the cells.
I placed my belt in the pile and followed one of the police men into the cells.
The Conversation that Changed My Life
The first night at Makongeni Police Station was jarring. After eating burnt cabbages and a piece of half cooked ugali, we slept on the floor, where eventually, sleep and exhaustion eventually took over. We slept hugging each other’s backs while facing th same direction. When one side of our ribcages felt numb, one of us tapped at everybody and we changed sides. Sitting and standing on the dusty floor was the hardest. I felt fire burn through the ankles of my feet and my buttocks when I sat on the floor.
The next morning, I went to sit in an empty cell that was by the toilet. I started reflecting on my life and what had happened in the past sixteen years following my dad’s death. Just before mid day, a guy who was in the cells came to where I was sitting down on the floor. While I was hurting, getting arrested turned into a blessing in disguise! I was thinking about the pain of growing up without a father, when the guy, who was in the cells with me, made a statement that changed my life!
“You look you have grown up with a father and have your life well knit together,” he said. “Can you teach us how to set goals in life, become better men and share stories from the Bible with us in the evenings?” he asked.
I felt a strong urge to tell him about my fatherlessness but before I did this I took one moment to reflect about what the guy had just said. At that moment I discovered two things. First, I realized I had treasure that I needed to amplify instead of focusing on the troubles I had grown up with. I also discovered the importance of one moment. I expereinced how a single moment of being truly seen and heard can alter the trajectory of a person’s life. I experienced this when a guy I met at Makongeni Police Station called out what he saw in me and gave me an opportunity to thrive in it.
If the guy saw that I looked like I had grown up with a father, it meant there was something good in my life after all. At that moment, it occured to me that I needed to start thinking more about the treasure that I had instead of amplifying the troubles I had grown up with. From that minute I started looking at my life as a song and remembered that I had had a dream when I was a little boy, a dream to become a writer.
“We are going to call you Pastor!” the guy continued. “Actually, you will not be washing the toilets or doing other things since you are very important to us.”
For the rest of the next 8 days, I spent my time talking about the importance of focusing on finding treasure instead of amplifying trouble and what is not working in our favour. I also mopped the floors and cleaned the toilet just to have experience what it felt like mopping and cleaning the toilet. For the first time in my life, I felt I had treasure, I felt seen, thanks to one moment that shifted my perspective about what was possible.
Applying for Work as a TV Producer
I asked one of the police officers at the OB Desk to buy a notebook and pen for me from the money I had left at the OB. My heart raced as I jotted my dreams down. I am going to apply for a job as a TV Producer, I jotted. Eight days later, I was told I was free to leave but had to report to Buru Buru Police Station for sessions wiith a police officer who I met about four or five times. In 2008, I finally applied for a job as a Children’s TV Producer, which took three years for me to do.
I spent three years watching children’s TV shows on KTN, KBC, Nation and Citizen TV stations while at the same time, gathering the courage that I needed to act on the one moment that happened when I spent eight days behind bars. KBC was the only station that gave me a call. When I finally got an opportunity to turn up for the interview, I met KBC’s Televisions Programs Manager who asked me two questions:
“What gives the courage to apply for a job as a TV Producer when you know you are not qualified?” she asked. “And what do you mean by saying life is a song?”
Before answering, I thought about that one moment that happened three years before inside Makongeni Police Station. Though it was just but one moment, it is a moment that completely changed my life. I look back at what I have become and becoming and know that my life took a new turn when a guy told me that I looked like I had grown up with a father.
“What gives you the courage to apply for a job as a TV Producer when you know you are not qualified?” the Televisions Programs Manager asked.
“It is a piece of paper that indicates I am qualified,” I replied, “that piece of paper will be kept in a file and in a drawer and however much the owner is qualified, the paper can’t turn up for work. I have always wanted to work in a media house. This is my opportunity to do that.”
One Moment that Turned My Life into a Song
I believe that life is a song that one gets to sing by the way they live their life. For me, I had been focusing on the troubles I had experienced from my childhood and amplified lack and the poverty that prevented me from joining journalism college. As a result, talking about my troubles had become like a broken record. By becoming a TV Producer I was changing my life song, because at 32 years of age, I had no legitimate reasons to continue telling people I was an orphan who grew up without a father.
I had to focus on amplifying the treasure that I possessed instead of the trouble that was dimming my star and stiffling my full potential. That one moment gave me the keys to my destiny. I grabbed it and never looked back. These days, I help individuals to find clarity, cultivate unshakeable confidene and develop the roaring courage they need to find their own voices, rewrite their stories and live their lives to the fullest, thanks to that one moment that happened at Makongeni Police Station in 2005.
I meet a lot of boys and young men in juvenile prison who have grown up without a father. As a Co-Active Coach and Narrative Guide, my lived experience as an individual who grew up without a father, got arrested and faced stigma, helps me to resonate with boys, young men and individuals who have experienced wrongful incarceration, neglect, exploitation, violence or sexual assault. And thanks to my training and certification as a Co-Active Coach and Leader, I am able deepen my client’s experiences and guide them, one moment at a time, towards their treasure and full potential.
Ready to Take One Moment?
Boys and young men who go through wrongful incarceration, violence, neglect, exploitation or sexual abuse often receive no support to overcome stigma and trauma. As a result, they become more vulnerable to juvenile delinquency, gender based violence, sexual assault, crime and conflict. Failure to properly address this thorny issue, may result into these boys and young men evolving into abusive boyfriends, husbands, fathers and uncles who carry and transfer trauma and stigma into the future.
Lifesong Kenya provides a safe space and halfway house for boys and young men who need healing from stigma and trauma. Since October 2021, we have been renting a 3-bedroomed house that has the capacity to accommodate 20 boys and young men at any given time. During their stay at the halfway house, the boys receive support through housing, life coaching, skills training, reconciliation with their families and economic empowerment. This enables them to find healing, hope and restoration.
Ready to take one moment to support our mission? Learn more about our work on this link or shoot me a message using the form below.
